Dear Ethan Monkey Muffin Santiago

Last night you had your first all nighter. You had a fresh nappy, you had been burped, massaged, gently rocked, and I was trying to feed you yet you were inconsolable. It was a time when I had exhausted my resources and tried all of my tricks but I didn't know what to do. You were crying, I still didn't know how to calm you, and poor Daddy was just trying to get some sleep. Honestly, my next step was to strap us both in the car and go for a drive until you gave up the ghost.
Blasted reflux.

In the end, we moved to the living room and I rocked you in my arms (tiger style) until you tearfully fell asleep. We finally were able to sachet back to our cozy bed and slept. Quite soundly, in God's sweet mercy.

And I thought and thanked God for you because with all of your reflux and salty tears, you are a gift. We prayed for you, dreamed about you, and I smiled each time I felt you move; and now you're here! I was reminded recently how not every Mama gets to hold her baby or kiss their sweet cheeks, but in God's perfect timing and plan, I'm able to hold and kiss you; it's all counted as a gift.
So I'm thankful.
Thankful to hear your grunts, wipe your bum, clip your nails, and feel your tiny hand against my chest.
On the flip side, I remember that when God proclaimed children to be a blessing, He knew that you'd have reflux, would cry when I take a shower, and He knew you would keep me up at all hours. Those things are also part of the gift.
So I'm thankful. 
Thankful that I was able to carry you around for thirty-nine weeks and feel every hiccup; I was (barely!) able to walk through Labour and push out all 7.3 lbs/20.5 inches of you. In the nicu I was able to nurse you and hold your tiny body. Since bringing you home, I get to rock you to sleep and change your nappies; I get to hear you snort while you nurse and feel your long baby fingers against me. And yes, I also get to have sleepless nights and wonder if I'm doing this Mothering thing well at all.

I rather believe that this is part of it all; a new way to Hold Fast to the Father and to bring glory to Him with our Living Sacrifices, with our lives.