"There simply are not many grand moments of life and we surely don't live in those moments. 

No, we live life in the utterly mundane. 

We exist in the bathrooms, bedrooms, living rooms, and hallways of life. 

This is where we live the life of faith."

[ Paul David Tripp ] 

Before I had Ethan, I struggled to make time to read my Bible, to pray, to be still.

Silly, now that I think back on all of the uninterrupted time that I had and of the many hours that I had spent doing little, unimportant things; even more so to the time (not too long ago) that I still lived at home. After Ethan's birth, I vividly remember feeling like a little girl again, trying to keep her head above the water in the deep end of the pool; I couldn't possibly imagine doing anything other than eating, nursing, sleeping, and making lightning fast trips to the bathroom, As time went on I got a better handle on nursing, I was recovered enough to make my own food and do laundry, we started going for walks in the evenings, this new "Normal" began to feel like our own again.

Now, I'm a Mama to a six month old, 15.5 pounds of Love and I'm getting even more accustomed to life with a little one and I'm asking myself, when do I have time to have a Quiet Time? After mulling over my schedule, I realized that I can't. I don't have a time in my day when my home is peacefully quiet, there is nothing else to be done, or Someone needs to be nursed/changed/put to bed.

My time simply doesn't look like it did before I got married and had a baby.

Huh. Go figure.

Once I realized that I was trying to recreate my pre-married schedule in my married/mama life, I began looking at my day anew and discovered that I can certainly dig deep into the Word. 

While Pumpkin is splashing in the bathtub, or right after I workout in the precious quiet of the morning, or even while Ethan is gnawing on a spoon during rug time. My home doesn't have to be completely quiet and it doesn't even have to be at the same time each day. In the midst of her day and the bustle of her home, Susanna Spurgeon was known to throw her apron over her head and pray.

Whatever it looks like to block out the Need of the Minute and be still before the Lord. 

That's what I need to be striving for each day and not recreating the quiet times of my teenage years.

One thing that I've found to be especially helpful while I'm reworking the Word into my day, is this Give Me Jesus journal from Life Lived Beautifully. You pick your text each day and are able to methodically expound and meditate on it; besides having a beautiful cover, it's filled with encouraging scriptures and quotes to spur you on in your daily devotions. 

Nope, this isn't a sponsored post; I'm promoting this of my own initiative and won't be paid. ;)

So, whether it's reading a few chapters while cooling down from a workout or writing in my prayer journal while avoiding being splashed with bath time water, I'm learning what it means to pray without ceasing, to give thanks in all circumstances, and to simply be still, know that He is God. 

How do you seek Him in the midst of your Mundane? Aside from His perfect scripture, what resources do you find useful in your daily walk? What ways do you feed your soul?

happy one year to us

The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are glad.

psalm 126:3

Heavens, how have three hundred sixty-five days flown past?

God really has done amazing and wonderful things for us, and we are grateful.

After nearly two years of talking, tears, and much prayer, He brought us to a pasture on a slightly chilly day in March. Surrounded by sweet friends who traveled near and far, we vowed to have and to hold for God's glory. 

As I look back at our first year of married life, I'm overcome with thankfulness.

Thankful for my parents and other wise counsel who shared their time and life with us. Thankful for the gift of our momentary marriage. Thankful for the difficult trials and hard conversations that we've had and continue to have, and thankful for the sweet refinement it's brought. Thankful for the gift I have in David and how I am always learning to regard him as such. Thankful for the sweet Little Life God gave us; before getting married, we weren't sure how difficult it would be to have and keep a pregnancy but God showed us His faithfulness in spite of test results. Thankful for each circumstance that has taught us to rely on Him. Thankful that in the midst of uncertainties, we have a sure Foundation and Hope in Him. Thankful for His provision in our lives, from a place to live to the food we eat; it's all a gift. 

Every single thing in Life really does happen in His perfect way and His perfect timing.

We serve a great God who does great things.

[ all photos taken by our amazing friend and photographer, Christina Hastings ]

Thankful for Sleepless Nights

And my fussy baby.

Lately, our Monkey Muffin has gotten into a kick of becoming straight as a board, contorting his little face, and loudly crying screaming protesting against the world in general, right around seven o'clock in the evening until close to one o'clock in the morning, with a few wee nursing breaks inbetween.
Just the sort of nights we first-time mamas think of as we hit the snooze button during our pregnancies.

Well, as I was fighting back the sleepy tears and rocking my nearly hoarse Muffin, I thought back to a time in the hospital, just a few weeks ago. Ethan was just a few days old and the NICU staff had allowed me to start breastfeeding him. We were both snuggled in the hospital glider, he had just finished a great session and was sawing logs on my shoulder, his fuzzy, wee arms close to mine and the slightest bit of baby drool was making its way down my neck; I could breath in the sweet baby scent from his softy, downy head and for a few moments, I didn't hear the continuous beeping, flashing, buzzing from the cold monitors that filled most of the room, I ached. Ached to at last take him home, to hold my baby sans wires, lines, and beeping monitors; I just wanted to be able to cuddle him without a time limit or nurse poking her head in the door. I just wanted to be a mama to my baby.

And now I am. Now we are.
Now he's well and home and I don't have to let him go or check to see if all of his lines are connected.
I don't have to march to another persons schedule or leave whenever visiting hours are over.
David and I get to be his parents and cuddle him as long as we like. We also get to rock him during the wee hours of the morning, passing him back and forth like a hot potato, until finally he falls asleep in our arms. It's all a part of the package and a part of what it means to be Daddy and Mama to a fussy three-week old Muffin.

Which is why I really am thankful for the tear-brimmed nights when I just want this baby to fall asleep. (or at least for one of us to fall asleep) Because I remember what it was like to have to leave him at the hospital and the sleepless nights are part of bringing him home. 

Dear Ethan Monkey Muffin Santiago

Last night you had your first all nighter. You had a fresh nappy, you had been burped, massaged, gently rocked, and I was trying to feed you yet you were inconsolable. It was a time when I had exhausted my resources and tried all of my tricks but I didn't know what to do. You were crying, I still didn't know how to calm you, and poor Daddy was just trying to get some sleep. Honestly, my next step was to strap us both in the car and go for a drive until you gave up the ghost.
Blasted reflux.

In the end, we moved to the living room and I rocked you in my arms (tiger style) until you tearfully fell asleep. We finally were able to sachet back to our cozy bed and slept. Quite soundly, in God's sweet mercy.

And I thought and thanked God for you because with all of your reflux and salty tears, you are a gift. We prayed for you, dreamed about you, and I smiled each time I felt you move; and now you're here! I was reminded recently how not every Mama gets to hold her baby or kiss their sweet cheeks, but in God's perfect timing and plan, I'm able to hold and kiss you; it's all counted as a gift.
So I'm thankful.
Thankful to hear your grunts, wipe your bum, clip your nails, and feel your tiny hand against my chest.
On the flip side, I remember that when God proclaimed children to be a blessing, He knew that you'd have reflux, would cry when I take a shower, and He knew you would keep me up at all hours. Those things are also part of the gift.
So I'm thankful. 
Thankful that I was able to carry you around for thirty-nine weeks and feel every hiccup; I was (barely!) able to walk through Labour and push out all 7.3 lbs/20.5 inches of you. In the nicu I was able to nurse you and hold your tiny body. Since bringing you home, I get to rock you to sleep and change your nappies; I get to hear you snort while you nurse and feel your long baby fingers against me. And yes, I also get to have sleepless nights and wonder if I'm doing this Mothering thing well at all.

I rather believe that this is part of it all; a new way to Hold Fast to the Father and to bring glory to Him with our Living Sacrifices, with our lives.

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

So, I'm nine months and sixteen days old now. Thanks for showing me how to snuggle under the covers and for keeping me toasty warm while Mum takes a shower; I'm glad you don't mind my morning breath. Thanks also for styling my mohawk hair in the morning; Mum usually forgets, it's like she's busy or something. Weird.
We're learning to sleep through the night and you're doing a great job at staying asleep while I toss and turn in bed; I know that I talk in my sleep quite a bit.
You're a great Dad and I can't wait for more "firsts" with you (just be sure to keep your mouth closed when you hold me up in the air).

I love you,
Ethan Monkey Muffin Santiago Ansley

Ethan Santiago Ansley

Ethan Santiago Ansley
Born just when he was meant to be (about a week before his due date), and already such a precious Little Monkey in our family. We love him so much and are thankful for his safe delivery.

The Lord has done great things for us and we are so very glad.

oh, baby [ week thirty-eight ]

Dear Little Man,
We're nearly there! A part of me feels as if I just found out I was pregnant and the other part has a vague memory of life before the aches and waddling of this baby bump (note: we do our best NOT to waddle). Currently, you love drop kicking the right side of my rib cage and continue with your daily dose of hiccups. You seem to be quite content to stay inside forever, which would be just fine with me but I think everyone else is pretty eager to meet you. Daddy and I firmly believe that babies come precisely on their birthday, so we're not anxious either way (I have a sneaking suspicion that you might come sooner rather than later though, we'll see!).
I'm still sleeping quite well and have adjusted to our 4:30/5am loo ritual. The current battle is remember to eat enough during the day! I've been so distracted by preparing for your coming that sometimes I forget to eat proper meals, heavens! Also, I started taking a powder form of vitamin C (just to switch things around) which tastes fruity at the beginning but if I leave it in my mouth too long it begins to taste like vomit; I love you so much.
We haven't any odd cravings but things that always sound good are big, leafy salads, french fries, soft ice, and really good pizza (anything from Grimaldi's or Pinthouse Pizza a new favorite which has great ice as well!).
You're clothes for the next six months are washed and neatly folded, I just need to find the right basket to put beside my bed; that will hold all of the necessities in my reach, such as nappies, onesies, snacks, and knitting, of course!

And for those of you who've asked, here's the link for our baby registry.

a January list

// Continuing to prepare for Little Man! We've already been so blessed by friends and family, and there are just a few more things I need in order to feel more "ready" for his appearance. Also, I've been slowly stocking up freezer meals for after he's born and breakfasts for David (when he goes back to work after a wee paternity leave). I'm trying a few new recipes from my pinterest board and hope they taste just as well after defrosting as they did before!

// Having a baby (ha!) or rather, continuing to mentally prepare for having a baby! God has been good to give me a few good Braxton Hicks lately, I think they're His way of reminding our brains that our bodies were built for this. We've got this thing. Contractions come one at a time, the keys are to surrender, Let It Go, relax our muscles, and let our bodies do what they're built to do.

// Bedrest projects! I'm sure we'll both be doing our fair share of sleeping but I am picking out a special, easy knitting project in case I feel inspired.

// Reading. There are a few books in my queue that I'd love get through and also to cultivate a list for 2015. Unbroken and The Hardest Peace are a few that I know I'd love to read. I'm open to book suggestions!

// Writing. I love the idea of keeping a journal for Little Man, to document the little things about his development, my prayers for him, and things I simply don't want to forget. In a sense, that is part of the purpose of this blog, to document God's faithful hand in our family and to remember each beautiful moment we can; that being said, there are few things like reading a handwritten note on real paper.

What are your goals for this month?

oh, baby [ week 34 ]

Dear Little Man,

Land-O-Lakes, this last trimester is flying past; it seems as if Christmas is tomorrow and you'll be here next week! We're continuing with the Arrival Preparations and its my personal goal to have everything ready by the new year, just in case you're convicted to be an early baby. You're clothes are washed and ready to wear, I'm on the hunt for organizational baskets, and tomorrow Nani and I will finish sewing fitted sheets for your Moses basket. Lately I've been practicing the mental surfing of the Labour Waves and becoming more prepared for your delivery; it's not such a scary prospect (PRAISE THE LORD), and lately I've been refreshed by a recent friend having her baby: women deliver babies every single day and have done so for centuries. I think we'll manage.
You're still diligent in your training to join the circus but I don't think you'll go very far if you insist on having the hiccups quite so often. On the other hand, I've been experiencing loads of round ligament pain and downward pressure (you're just so heavy for me!), so much so that I'm considering a maternity belt or prenatal wrapping of some kind for support. (we're nearly there!)
Oh, I've started sleeping with a snoogle body pillow which has proved to be the best thing since toasted bagels with blueberry cream cheese; I sleep so well when I use it though it does inhibit cuddling with Daddy (he doesn't much care for the pillow but bears it nobly for the sake of good sleep).
I'm still anemic but am taking a few different supplements to hopefully remedy and bring that hemoglobin count back up to where it needs to be; thankfully, my thyroid is still good so I really ought not complain!